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"I'm not the filler for your emptiness. I can't be. No one can. It's a black hole; anything that enters is devoured. You think I'm so special; you think I'll fix everything. I am not your personal religion. I am not your savior. You refute all abstract beliefs yet you stubbornly subscribe to this one. And most of all, you think you can fix me. You think I have your problem," she said.

I dropped my peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Why was I even eating a peanut butter and jelly sandwich? I hate them. The peanut butter belongs separate from the jelly; together is a waste of both. The distinct flavors deserve to be experienced alone.

"Hey, I have an idea. I'll just go drive my car off a cliff, okay?"

"There you go again, being your pessimistic, morbid self. That's a real turn-on."

"Morbid?" I thought, "Maybe masochistic, but certainly not morbid. Wait a minute- the fact that I'm actually debating the use of these two words in my head proves that I have problems."

"I love you," I said out of frustration.

She flashed me a dirty look.

"Sorry, I couldn't think of anything better to say. Let's go out for some pizza."

"I don't think I'm getting through to you."

I snatched the candle from the table and, in my most suave tone, said, "It takes two, baby."I pulled out my lighter and held it under the wick.

"Start making sense or I leave," she said as she turned to make another diatribe, "You always do this when you're trying to be cute. Haven't you realized this doesn't work?Who do you think you are, Ziggy?"

Unfortunately, I dropped my lighter, andit caught the edge of my pants leg on fire.

"My pants are on fire."

"You've used that line one too many times. Goodbye."

"No, really, my pants are on fire."

She quickly turned around and her eyes lit up. "Well I'll be damned," she said.

"What would I do if I were Ziggy?" I thought. As my mind wandered, she had already put out the fire with a glass of water.

"See, I need you. I'm an idiot," I said in a rather helpless tone.

"I'm leaving now."

"But that made sense. I didn't break the sense rule."

"But you're annoyingly dense. Bye."

"Wait, let's make a bet. If I can stop being annoying for an hour, you'll fall desperately in love with me. Okay?"

"Whatever."

I then proceeded to lock myself in my room. I came out an hour later to celebrate our newfound relationship, but she was gone. What a sore loser.